I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
