I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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