he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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