he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
