I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
