You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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