I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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