i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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