did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
