now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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