Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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