Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
