Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
