Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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