Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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