I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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