when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Your dad touched me again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize