Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
