erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
