I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
