I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
