"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize