He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
