I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
