Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ