you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.