WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.