went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
