Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
