Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
