well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
