If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
