Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
