Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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