Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
