I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
