My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
