my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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