my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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