my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
