And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
