tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
