My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
