Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
