I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
