Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
