Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
