I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hippo gnu deer
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
