:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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