I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
