If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
