i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
