I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
