Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
