I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
