Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
