So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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