I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
