I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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