Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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